1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My
wife's going to have her baby
In the cab,
' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out
to a parked cab, lifted the lady's
Dress and began to take off
her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there
Were several cabs - - - and I
was in the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco.

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and Slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. ' Real big
breaths,'I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied
the patient

Submitted by
Dr. Richard rd Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
Wife that her
Husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five
Minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had
Died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted
by Dr. Susan Steinberg .

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardi doctor, That he was having trouble
with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked. 'The patch;the Nurse 
told me to put on a new one every six Hours and now I'm running out of places to put it 
!'   I had him quickly Undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, 
the man had Over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of The 
old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked  'How long Have you been bed
ridden?' After a look of complete confusion she then
Answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband Passed

Submitted by
Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis,

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
Up on a man I asked . .' So how's your breakfast this morning? The man
Replied, 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get Used to 
the taste.'. . . I then asked to see the jelly and he produced a foil Packet 
labeled ' KY Jelly.'

Submitted by
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with &
Purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
And wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that The patient had 
acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate Surgery.. When she was completely 
disrobed on the Operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,

And above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the Surgery was 
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's Dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . 
Had to mow the lawn.

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was
quite embarrassed When performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment& nbsp; I 
had Unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady uponWhom I was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further Embarrassing me I looked up from my 
work and sheepishly said I 'm Sorry. Was I tickling you?'She replied with tears running down her
cheeks From laughing so hard . .' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was'' I wish I was
an Oscar Meyer Wiener. Dr. Wouldn't submit his name.